Keep the Miracle Fresh

It’s been twenty two months since my transplant now and I wanted to let you readers know some of what post transplant life can bring.

First and foremost, I want to assure you that I feel blessed to be here each and every day. The miracle of my ordeal remains very strong in my psyche at most times during my waking hours. That’s not to say that I am focused on it, or that I worry about it while I go about my normal everyday chores but, the reality of the miracle is just there. It’s there in the back of my mind and it has been a governor of sorts on the emotional roller coaster of life. That governor on my internal emotional tachometer serves me well, especially in times of stress, duress or anxiety. It ratchets me back and often times makes me laugh (out loud sometimes) at the idiocy of getting upset with the small things in life. In comparison to my ordeal, almost everything else is a very small thing. I had a best friend and transplant recipient remind me that he doesn’t get upset at the winnings and losings of our favorite Boston teams anymore as it really isn’t that big of a deal anymore, in comparison. He was and is right (except when referee’s mess up and calls don’t go our way).

I have had a complicated recovery and my post transplant issues have been numerous. The nurses had told me not to expect too much and that I may only get so far and not to expect to jump up and revert to my life as it was twenty years ago.

They were correct. Somehow though, I put into my mind, things that are yet physically unachievable and that has caused me considerable frustration. The doctors and nurses always tell us, “everyone’s recovery is different”, and, as I work with more and more patients via HeartBrothers I see that truth in that on an almost daily basis. I try not to make comparisons but it’s almost impossible not to, especially for those of us who are having a rockier road of it. Even in my frustration, at seemingly less than stellar recovery, I always fall back on; “ I am here and I am alive.”

People always ask how I am doing now and even if I am having trouble with some post transplant malady or other, I say good or great because, the alternative to my thing now was death. I am always better than I was – I am always making progress and I keep the bar high as to how much I will regain of my pre- end stage heart failure- crash I can get. The miracle I have received far outweighs anything else I have gone through so far in my fifty nine years so I plan on keeping the miracle always fresh in my mind.

Pat